With everything going on in my life right now, I had almost forgotten that the lovely K H from the blog, inflammation of, had offered me a guest post to share. I do apologize, K H. My life is in such a transition right now. Anyway, here it is. I hope you all enjoy it!
The first thing I think of when my mind settles on Christmas time is magic. I know maybe that sounds odd, as one's first thoughts might be coin tricks or neverending hankies being pulled out of a sleeve, especially during a time of the year when those whom are religious try to keep the focus on Christ. But it is true, I think of the wonderful fun of magic....Christmas Magic.
Snowmen dance in the minds of children, an abundance of cookie smells waft through just about every house, and the man in the big red suite that somehow manages to make a stop for each and every child around the world. That Christmas Magic.
We can all remember back to our own childhoods and how we tossed and turned in our beds Christmas Eve, anxious for Santa to come and fill our stockings, and half hoping we'd catch him red-handed. Now as a mother I also have many more new memories that fill my mind of my daughters standing back with a look of awe upon their innocent faces while gazing upon our Christmas tree. Hearing their squeals when they rush down the stairs in the early morning on that long awaited day to see the tree surrounded in magic and wonderment. That is Christmas Magic.
The Christmas that stands out the most for me, mainly because it was a life changing time for me and my family, occured a couple of years ago. This Christmas was filled with sadness, but stepping back in the shoes I now wear, I know there was Christmas Magic sprinkled within.
My oldest daughter was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease at age 7 and was put on a new medicine regimen. Unknown to us, this new regimen was not helping to heal and calm my daughter's autoimmune disease. For 8 months my daughter was on this medicine, gradually getting worse and worse as her body continued to attack itself within. October of that year, her health really began to decline, and by the end of December she was in so much pain I was panicking and grieving. This was all ocurring while my husband was deployed, so I was really panicking. During all of this gradual decline into the misery of what true suffering is, her doctor continued to ignore classic symptoms of serious issues by telling me nothing could be done for her. I remember that my daughter was spending most of her days and nights either sitting in a warm bath or on an ice pack to help sooth her pain, and spiralling into despair. By the beginning of Januray I took her into the children's hospital only to discover that my daughter also has peri-rectal disease. Her pain and suffering was due to an abscess and several fistulas that had broken through skin.
I know this must sound like a horrible Christmas to remember, and in all reality it is. I wouldn't wish what my daughter goes through on anyone, nor would I wish what I experience as her mother upon any other parent. I share this experience because Christmas Magic even existed during that time, entangled amongst the pain and sorrow. Even though I can recall every heartbreaking word my oldest daughter spoke to me during that time, I also remember seeing my youngest push a kitchen chair up beside our recliner where her sister sat on an ice pack, just so that she could be with her. I watched my oldest stroke her new doll's hair with a smile on her face, even through her pain. I remember sitting in the bathroom with my oldest in the bathtub, trying to help ease her pain, with my youngest on the floor in the doorway with all her new Christmas gifts to remain by her sister's side. I remember being overwhelmed with gratitude for the GI doctor we met while my oldest was hospitalized, and how she did such wonderful things to help get my daughter feeling better. That is also when we were introduced to the goodness of Remicade Infusions.
You see, Christmas Magic can be much more than the fantastical icons that our children love so much, it is also our humanity. The way we love eachother, even through the toughest times. The way we help eachother, the way we stick by one another, the way we continue to be for another person, selflessly. That is Christmas Magic in it's rawest form. I saw Christmas Magic weave its way into our house through my youngest daughter and her sweet nature to constantly be by her sister in her time of need. I saw Christmas Magic shining brightly through a wonderful new doctor that worked that magic to help my oldest daughter feel better. There is a magic bigger than what Santa or Frosty the Snowman hold, and it lies within our own souls, waiting to be released to those in need. When I think back on this Christmas experience, I may shed a few tears as I remember all that my daughter went through, but my heart swells with being able to see the goodness that surrounded us...that beautiful Christmas Magic.
Thank you for sharing, K H! Be sure to visit her blog where she shares her experiences with her daughter's Crohn's Disease, as well as her creative endeavors, etc.
Always in spirit....